Posted on 23/06/2017 by

Coping with the demands of a new baby and everything else that's going on around you can be stressful.

You can spend a whole day trying (and failing) to get one job done. Just as you start something, your baby wakes up, a nappy needs changing, or they need a bit of attention.

Sometimes you can feel as though life is completely out of control. If you're the sort of person who likes to be in control and worries about getting things done, this can make you feel very tense and frustrated.

Worry and unhappiness can also cause stress. Maybe you're worried about where you're living, money or relationships.

Or perhaps you're worried about a lot of small things that nevertheless make a big difference to your life. You may not be able to do anything about some of these things, but there are ways you can deal with the stress.

Some of the following suggestions may help:

• Unwind. Spend half an hour each evening doing something you enjoy. This helps you put other things out of your mind and relax. Have a bath, read a magazine, watch TV or do whatever else helps you unwind. Borrow a book, CD or DVD about relaxation from the library. Ignore any housework – it can wait. Make some time for yourself.
• Seeing other people can help relieve stress. Your health visitor or other parents may be able to recommend local mother and baby or mother and toddler groups. If you're not keen on organised groups, get together with people you meet at the clinic, playgroup or nursery school.
• Make time for your partner. Relationships can suffer when you're tense, tired and don't spend much time together. Make time to be with your partner, even if all you manage to do is fall asleep together in front of the TV.
• Express yourself. Talking about how you're feeling can help, at least for a while. You and your partner need to understand how each other is feeling and work out how you can support each other. Sometimes it's better to talk to someone outside the family.
• Accept help. Make the most of all the help you can get. You can't do everything yourself, so there's no point in trying.
• Relax – there are no prizes for being a supermum or superdad. It can be difficult if you're a perfectionist, but being a parent is the one thing that nobody is perfect at.

The baby blues

During the first week after childbirth, many women get what's often called the ‘baby blues’. Women can feel down or depressed at a time when they expect they should feel happy at having a baby to look after. 'Baby blues' are probably due to the sudden hormonal and chemical changes that take place in your body after childbirth.

Symptoms can include:

• feeling emotional and irrational
• bursting into tears for no apparent reason
• feeling irritable or touchy
• feeling depressed or anxious

All these symptoms are normal and usually only last for a few days.

Is it postnatal depression?

Depression after a baby is born can be extremely distressing. Postnatal depression is thought to affect around one in 10 women (and up to four in 10 teenage mothers).

Many women suffer in silence. Their friends, relatives and health professionals don't know how they're feeling.

Postnatal depression usually occurs two to eight weeks after the birth, though sometimes it can happen up to a year after the baby is born.

Symptoms such as tiredness, irritability or poor appetite are normal if you've just had a baby. But these are usually mild and don't stop you leading a normal life.

When you have postnatal depression, you may feel increasingly depressed and despondent. Looking after yourself or your baby may become too much. Emotional signs of postnatal depression may include: 

• loss of interest in the baby
• feelings of hopelessness
• not being able to stop crying
• feelings of not being able to cope 
• not being able to enjoy anything
• memory loss or being unable to concentrate
• excessive anxiety about the baby

Other signs of postnatal depression may also include:

• panic attacks
• sleeplessness
• extreme tiredness
• aches and pains
• feeling generally unwell
• anxiety
• loss of appetite 

Getting help for postnatal depression

If you think you have postnatal depression, don’t struggle alone. It's not a sign that you're a bad mother or are unable to cope. Postnatal depression is an illness and you need to get help, just as you would if you had the flu or a broken leg.

Talk to someone you trust, such as your partner or a friend. Or ask your health visitor to call in and visit you. Many health visitors have been trained to recognise postnatal depression and have techniques that can help. If they can't help, they'll know someone in your area who can.

It's also important to see your GP. If you don’t feel up to making an appointment, ask someone to do it for you. 

Treatment for postnatal depression

Milder cases of postnatal depression can be treated with counselling. This can be given by the health visitor or a therapist. More severe cases often require antidepressants and you may need to see a specialist.

It's important to let your GP know if you're breastfeeding. If you need to take antidepressants, they'll prescribe a type of medication that's suitable while you're breastfeeding.

You may also find it helpful to contact the Association for Post-Natal Illness or the National Childbirth Trust.

Your local children's centre can put you in touch with your nearest postnatal group. These groups provide contact with other new mothers and encourage mums to support each other. They offer social activities and help with parenting skills.

Avoiding alcohol

Alcohol may appear to help you relax and unwind. In fact, it’s a depressant that affects your mood, judgement, self-control and co-ordination. It has even more of an effect if you’re tired and run-down. Be careful about when and how much you drink, and don't drink alcohol if you're taking anti-depressants or tranquillisers.

Postpartum psychosis

This condition, which is also called puerperal psychosis, is extremely rare. Only one or two mothers in 1,000 develop a severe psychiatric illness that requires medical or hospital treatment after the birth of a baby. This illness can develop within hours of childbirth and is very serious, needing urgent attention.

Other people usually notice it first as the mother often acts strangely. It is more likely to happen if you have a severe mental illness, a past history of severe mental illness or a family history of perinatal mental illness. Specialist mother and baby units can provide expert treatment without separating you from your baby.

Most women make a complete recovery, although this may take a few weeks or months.

Postnatal post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Postnatal post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is often the result of a traumatic birth, such as a long or painful labour, or an emergency or problematic delivery. It can also develop after other types of trauma, such as:

• a fear of dying or your baby dying
• life-threatening situations

The symptoms of postnatal PTSD can occur alone or in addition to the symptoms of postnatal depression. 

The symptoms can develop straight after the birth or months afterwards. 

It's extremely important to talk to someone about how you're feeling. Your midwife, GP or health visitor will be able help you. If you're worried about talking to a health professional, consider asking a close friend or family member to come with you for support.

There are effective treatments available, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and medications. Read more about treatments for PTSD.

Source: NHS Choices